I know this summer is going to be over in a flash--it arrived in a flash! It was just winter yesterday, or so it seems. Life has been BUSY for us, and I mean B-U-S-Y! I started a new job on April 7 and have been working 40 hours a week since, quite a change having worked from home for a while and balanced part-time jobs. Alice has been VERY busy and diligent preparing our home to sell, although we are both fairly confident we'll still be here when the dust settles. We were already considering a move in the previous few months, and recently she began to feel very good about looking to build a home and move, and then we found out a month ago that our HOA is considering a lawsuit against the contractors of our development and if it goes forward, it will prevent any bank from lending on properties on our complex so we wouldn't be able to sell it then. So, here we are, having furiously cleaned and packed half our house, even renting a storage unit and truck and moving some furniture and boxes out of our home. It has been nice having a much more open, clean, and far less cluttered home, though I must admit, I miss my many books and bookshelves where they were housed (Alice, on the other hand, has experienced ZERO sadness at the removal of my massive library from our home :-) ). In addition to trying to clean, I have been busy repairing small things and touch things up, while also balancing my new job and trying to maximize my small amount of daily time with the boys before putting them to bed shortly after returning home from work.
In addition to these time consuming responsibilities and changes, I have also started to seek treatment again for my AD/HD and tried a new medication after 3 previous ones produced no result. Vyvanse is what I've been trying for a few weeks and while I initially thought it was having no effect, I decided to take one before bed to see if it did anything and it sure did! I laid awake ALL NIGHT so stinking tired and feeling like I was on the verge of falling asleep, but I never did. So while it hasn't given me the focus boost and energy boost it is supposed to, it still did something that kept me awake all night despite my feeling so tired! It has been hard to determine how it has affected me because with everything else going on, especially the job, I have been more stressed than ever before and not dealing with it well, so my stomach has felt knotted up, tight, and sick for about 8 weeks now except for a brief respite in Park City and an occasional 30-60 minute break, but even that has only happened about 5 times. I am more familiar with the phrase "sick to my stomach" than I wanted to be, as it has been my constant companion since April. It has been an emotional, and even physical, roller coaster ride for all of us over the past couple months.
Throughout all of this, the boys have stayed as happy and joyful as ever. Of course, they have had their bad days, but even still, my gratitude and love for them has never waned nor been forgotten even in the moments of greatest frustration when dealing with their cries and screams and their occasional disrespectful attitude they show towards either me or Alice. I must admit, I have contributed to this on the nights where I don't want to put them to bed knowing I won't see them for 12 hours so I keep them up to play games or stargaze with me. One night in early June, we spent 2 hours underneath the sky gazing up into the heavens until midnight. It was a glorious experience with my boys, all of whom fell asleep on the blanket before we were done!
Being at work distracts me from what I know I'm missing at home because it's so busy and there is so much to do, but I do miss seeing the simple things such as karate lessons, library craft days, and swimming lessons that the boys enjoy during the day time in summer. Memories such as those are so precious, and I am grateful for every one that I have and all of those ones that I will yet create in the future. Summer will be over before we know it, and we'll likely still be in our home, then simply remodifying our loan rather than moving, and maybe even with me starting an online graduate program and seeking stress relief and emotional rejuvenation through academic historical research--yes, studying history relaxes me and imbues me with a sense of purpose and connection to eternity and understanding of things beyond myself and even our own modern time and place. So life will roll forward this summer, and despite the bumps we may experience on the way, I'll be more grateful for the good than the bad, and remember for much longer the smiles, laughs, and fun times than I will what I did at work, how much I made, or how much time I spent there.
Friday, June 20, 2014
Monday, November 18, 2013
SHOUT OUT! $100 Amazon Gift Card!
It's been nearly 2 years! And I'm shouting out to anyone who may see this to know if our blog still has any followers. If so, let me know and I'll give you a $100 Amazon gift card if you respond before the deadline...which is NOW. Oh, dang, you just missed it...
Debating whether to start posting again and uploading pictures, etc.
Debating whether to start posting again and uploading pictures, etc.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Violence, Sex, & Profanity in the Media....Some Thoughts on Personal Limits
This morning on the Doug Wright show he was talking about personal limits about where people draw the lines in their movies and TV shows. Most often, the categories people use are sex/nudity, violence, and language. Of course, as a film critic, Mr. Wright (who is an active Latter-day Saint) is often required to see films with objectionable content. However, even still he indicated there are limits on films he will not see. Despite criticism from many LDS listeners to his show, he has been reassured by several high-level and prominent members of the LDS leadership (he did not want to use specific names) that he is a watchman on the tower and that, ultimately, it is up to individual people, not the leadership of the Church, to know their OWN limits and their OWN preferences and be their OWN policemen in determining what they view. Ours is a Church, uniquely so, of personal revelation and inspiration.
With that said, I will share some of my thoughts that influence my personal efforts at exercising my moral agency responsibly for what I view in movies and on television. First, of the three categories, the one to which I am most sensitive is sex and nudity. I am more offended at a bare rear end or women's chest than I am at war level violence in some historical films. Why is this? To me, it is very simple--the sex and nudity are real, the violence is not. Naked bodies are not achieved with make-up and effects, they are only achieved by asking someone to irreverently and inapproriately display one of God's sacred creations and gifts to us, our body. Often, this is done in ways that are not only offensive to the creation itself, but also mock the powers of creation and disrespect the sanctity of the beauty of our body. Violence, when I view it on the screen, is seen as an artificial depiction of reality. Even still, I have my limits when it comes to violence as well. I am not a blood and guts, gory movie loving type person. But there is a distinct, and to me important, distinction between these two categories in film.
Heavenly Father has created all life, and there are two powers associated with life--that of creating it and that of taking it. Of those two, he shares with us only one, the power to create life. He reserves for himself the power to take it. I also am sensitive to situations that profane either the creating or taking of life. Bedroom scenes and the like are an offensive profanity in my eyes that mock that sacred power of procreation. Heavenly Father has entrusted us with a sacred, intimate act which is meant for only two people....not two people and a viewing audience. Where some people feel it is "beautiful" to see tender depictions of sexual love, I feel it is a mockery, obscenity, and profanity of the highest order towards to the most sacred power of all that we have been given by our Heavenly Father.
In regards to violence and the taking of life, this is an act which can occur, sadly, in the life of any righteous Christian or Latter-day Saint when serving their country in war or on a law enforcement agency. When I see depictions of violence, I am sensitive to whether it is actually profaning life itself or accurately depicting the consequences of an unrighteous exercise of one's agency. Some films with extreme violence I feel actually display the consequences and causes of that violence, while others glorify that violence. Simply put, I can usually tell by how I feel. I have seen some historical films where I had a disturbing spirit while I viewed them which told me that the violence was there for show, it was there for reasons of macho bravado. While other films just as violent have left me feeling that the depictions of violence were used to discourage violence, not promote it. Through showing the causes of that violence, whether bigotry or hatred, we can better avoid it. And through showing us, accurately, the consequences that violence can have on people, we are more motivated to work towards preventing it.
Latter-day Saints may be asked to face violence in real life, and continue in faith to be a defender of a peaceful life. Latter-day Saints, however, will never be asked to witness the intimate acts of procreation for any individual other than themselves. Facing and dealing with violence is much more pervasive in this world than is witnessing actual acts of physical intimacy. Through viewing accurate depictions of violence--not only in the physical act, but in its causes and consequences--I feel I am better prepared to prevent acts of violence, help those who deal with it to cope better, and teach my children qualities to prevent the allure of fighting to take hold in their heart.
I do not see many violent films, but I have seen some that are quite violent. I would not watch them on a whim, nor would I watch them for mere entertainment. I watch them to be changed for the better, to be molded by the sheer power of emotion they cause me to feel. They are tough to watch and emotionally draining, but they have an impact on me which teaches me and molds me into a better person. They leave indelible and unforgettable impressions which remind me of the importance of peace and they motivate me to work towards ensuring that peace. These movies will have different impressions on virtually every individual that views them, but that is how it is for me. Everyone is taught different; we all have different perceptions and unique perspectives. The Spirit speaks to all of us in the language of our own heart and mind, a language which is as unique and catered to us individually as is the uniqueness of each star that shines in the heavens above.
The views and standards I hold may be shared by some, but even then, to differing degrees. We are not only all different, but all fully capable of being aware of our own sensibilities to sex, nudity, and violence. No one else can feel what we feel or think the thoughts that we think. Likewise, no one else can know what influence they are having upon us--whether that of strengthening us in righteouesness or weakening us to the decaying morals of the world. It is up to us, through prayer and spiritual discernment, to evaluate and act upon the promptings we receive based upon the media we view. How we feel is important, but even more important is how does it motivate us? How does the stirring of emotions you feel move you? Do they move you to a life of peace and righteousness, or do they move you to act out, lose patience, and lash out towards others? We all become something a little different after every film or TV show we watch...and hopefully that is something a little bit better and not a little worse. We have the ability to discern what it is, and then the responsibility to control what it is and direct it towards righteousness.
With that said, I will share some of my thoughts that influence my personal efforts at exercising my moral agency responsibly for what I view in movies and on television. First, of the three categories, the one to which I am most sensitive is sex and nudity. I am more offended at a bare rear end or women's chest than I am at war level violence in some historical films. Why is this? To me, it is very simple--the sex and nudity are real, the violence is not. Naked bodies are not achieved with make-up and effects, they are only achieved by asking someone to irreverently and inapproriately display one of God's sacred creations and gifts to us, our body. Often, this is done in ways that are not only offensive to the creation itself, but also mock the powers of creation and disrespect the sanctity of the beauty of our body. Violence, when I view it on the screen, is seen as an artificial depiction of reality. Even still, I have my limits when it comes to violence as well. I am not a blood and guts, gory movie loving type person. But there is a distinct, and to me important, distinction between these two categories in film.
Heavenly Father has created all life, and there are two powers associated with life--that of creating it and that of taking it. Of those two, he shares with us only one, the power to create life. He reserves for himself the power to take it. I also am sensitive to situations that profane either the creating or taking of life. Bedroom scenes and the like are an offensive profanity in my eyes that mock that sacred power of procreation. Heavenly Father has entrusted us with a sacred, intimate act which is meant for only two people....not two people and a viewing audience. Where some people feel it is "beautiful" to see tender depictions of sexual love, I feel it is a mockery, obscenity, and profanity of the highest order towards to the most sacred power of all that we have been given by our Heavenly Father.
In regards to violence and the taking of life, this is an act which can occur, sadly, in the life of any righteous Christian or Latter-day Saint when serving their country in war or on a law enforcement agency. When I see depictions of violence, I am sensitive to whether it is actually profaning life itself or accurately depicting the consequences of an unrighteous exercise of one's agency. Some films with extreme violence I feel actually display the consequences and causes of that violence, while others glorify that violence. Simply put, I can usually tell by how I feel. I have seen some historical films where I had a disturbing spirit while I viewed them which told me that the violence was there for show, it was there for reasons of macho bravado. While other films just as violent have left me feeling that the depictions of violence were used to discourage violence, not promote it. Through showing the causes of that violence, whether bigotry or hatred, we can better avoid it. And through showing us, accurately, the consequences that violence can have on people, we are more motivated to work towards preventing it.
Latter-day Saints may be asked to face violence in real life, and continue in faith to be a defender of a peaceful life. Latter-day Saints, however, will never be asked to witness the intimate acts of procreation for any individual other than themselves. Facing and dealing with violence is much more pervasive in this world than is witnessing actual acts of physical intimacy. Through viewing accurate depictions of violence--not only in the physical act, but in its causes and consequences--I feel I am better prepared to prevent acts of violence, help those who deal with it to cope better, and teach my children qualities to prevent the allure of fighting to take hold in their heart.
I do not see many violent films, but I have seen some that are quite violent. I would not watch them on a whim, nor would I watch them for mere entertainment. I watch them to be changed for the better, to be molded by the sheer power of emotion they cause me to feel. They are tough to watch and emotionally draining, but they have an impact on me which teaches me and molds me into a better person. They leave indelible and unforgettable impressions which remind me of the importance of peace and they motivate me to work towards ensuring that peace. These movies will have different impressions on virtually every individual that views them, but that is how it is for me. Everyone is taught different; we all have different perceptions and unique perspectives. The Spirit speaks to all of us in the language of our own heart and mind, a language which is as unique and catered to us individually as is the uniqueness of each star that shines in the heavens above.
The views and standards I hold may be shared by some, but even then, to differing degrees. We are not only all different, but all fully capable of being aware of our own sensibilities to sex, nudity, and violence. No one else can feel what we feel or think the thoughts that we think. Likewise, no one else can know what influence they are having upon us--whether that of strengthening us in righteouesness or weakening us to the decaying morals of the world. It is up to us, through prayer and spiritual discernment, to evaluate and act upon the promptings we receive based upon the media we view. How we feel is important, but even more important is how does it motivate us? How does the stirring of emotions you feel move you? Do they move you to a life of peace and righteousness, or do they move you to act out, lose patience, and lash out towards others? We all become something a little different after every film or TV show we watch...and hopefully that is something a little bit better and not a little worse. We have the ability to discern what it is, and then the responsibility to control what it is and direct it towards righteousness.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
2011 Reflections...2012 is Here
(This is a very unfocused entry that could definitely be considered rambling on my part, aka mental jibberish, so feel free to not waste your time and wait for the next update which will hopefully be soon!)
As I look back on 2011, I'm not sure what to make of it. The one, most obvious aspect of my reflections are that I am nowhere close to being where I thought I would be at this stage of my life. Last year at this time, our lives were filled with a lot of uncertainty. I had lost my job, which means we also lost our benefits while we were expecting our third child, our computer crashed with no information on back up (this was painfully stressful, all our pictures, many journals, and all my historical research and work was on the hard drive), and we had medical debts we were struggling to pay. With such a bleak state of things at that time, I guess I really wasn't sure where we would be at this point in time. While many of the issues we have struggled with have simply persisted or grown bigger, we would really be struggling if it wasn't simply for each other. Isn't it great how family can take your mind off things and help you simply enjoy each day and find so much joy? Perhaps in my case, I use that as an excuse to not face the pressing things I should really be focusing on. But then when I tell myself that, I keep thinking that my children's childhood will never come again and I should cherish every moment and help make it the best it can be for them. Alas, one of my GREATEST weaknesses is FOCUS. I simply can't do it. I am as scatterbrained as Dory from "Finding Nemo."
Alas, here we are at 2012. I am going to try again to get into some graduate programs. I didn't try last year at all, mainly due to the fact I was employed in a good job until the end of the year and didn't have time to work on applications. Maybe this year will be the year I finally have some luck with continuing education. Alice is leery about such matters, I think she wants to just stay where we are and not deal with any drastic change. Fortunately, I know she'll support her hubby and remember that no matter where we go, we'll be together and have our beautiful boys to help us have tons of fun. So where may we end up? Phoenix? New York? Canada? London? Sri Lanka? OK, not Sri Lanka, but who knows. The primary issue I face is--do I just commit to a life of working hard at whatever job I happen to have or try to really focus on a vocation I love and work for a more purpose with more intrinsic motivation?
My mind is full, primarily with questions that I have no clue to what the answers are, but questions that should have been answered long ago. Interesting times. One thing I am definitely looking forward to in 2012 is the Titanic's Centennial. I am hoping to be busy during the coming months with my Titanic lectures. I am emailing all the universities and colleges in the state to line up some lectures and am reaching out to some television shows as well, both local and national. While there are several Titanic historians, I hope that my unique background and matchstick model will help with garnering some publicity.
With all the questions I face and struggles we have had, how grateful I am for Alice who has weathered more than she should ever have had to. She has been a rock. I know she may not have felt like it at times, but to be where we are now after what we've gone through certainly indicates that at her core she is solid. How grateful I am to her, and that she knows me so well, and that she is honest with me even when I may not want her to be! Life is grand together, and we love it.
And I could ramble on, but alas must do some other things before going to bed. Here we go 2012.
As I look back on 2011, I'm not sure what to make of it. The one, most obvious aspect of my reflections are that I am nowhere close to being where I thought I would be at this stage of my life. Last year at this time, our lives were filled with a lot of uncertainty. I had lost my job, which means we also lost our benefits while we were expecting our third child, our computer crashed with no information on back up (this was painfully stressful, all our pictures, many journals, and all my historical research and work was on the hard drive), and we had medical debts we were struggling to pay. With such a bleak state of things at that time, I guess I really wasn't sure where we would be at this point in time. While many of the issues we have struggled with have simply persisted or grown bigger, we would really be struggling if it wasn't simply for each other. Isn't it great how family can take your mind off things and help you simply enjoy each day and find so much joy? Perhaps in my case, I use that as an excuse to not face the pressing things I should really be focusing on. But then when I tell myself that, I keep thinking that my children's childhood will never come again and I should cherish every moment and help make it the best it can be for them. Alas, one of my GREATEST weaknesses is FOCUS. I simply can't do it. I am as scatterbrained as Dory from "Finding Nemo."
Alas, here we are at 2012. I am going to try again to get into some graduate programs. I didn't try last year at all, mainly due to the fact I was employed in a good job until the end of the year and didn't have time to work on applications. Maybe this year will be the year I finally have some luck with continuing education. Alice is leery about such matters, I think she wants to just stay where we are and not deal with any drastic change. Fortunately, I know she'll support her hubby and remember that no matter where we go, we'll be together and have our beautiful boys to help us have tons of fun. So where may we end up? Phoenix? New York? Canada? London? Sri Lanka? OK, not Sri Lanka, but who knows. The primary issue I face is--do I just commit to a life of working hard at whatever job I happen to have or try to really focus on a vocation I love and work for a more purpose with more intrinsic motivation?
My mind is full, primarily with questions that I have no clue to what the answers are, but questions that should have been answered long ago. Interesting times. One thing I am definitely looking forward to in 2012 is the Titanic's Centennial. I am hoping to be busy during the coming months with my Titanic lectures. I am emailing all the universities and colleges in the state to line up some lectures and am reaching out to some television shows as well, both local and national. While there are several Titanic historians, I hope that my unique background and matchstick model will help with garnering some publicity.
With all the questions I face and struggles we have had, how grateful I am for Alice who has weathered more than she should ever have had to. She has been a rock. I know she may not have felt like it at times, but to be where we are now after what we've gone through certainly indicates that at her core she is solid. How grateful I am to her, and that she knows me so well, and that she is honest with me even when I may not want her to be! Life is grand together, and we love it.
And I could ramble on, but alas must do some other things before going to bed. Here we go 2012.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
September 11
"As I laid down my head to rest in my small home as a missionary in Seoul, South Korea, on September 11, 2001, the people in the land I call home were just rising to begin their day I was now ending. Following a day of hard work and joy as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I anticipated another day full of joy in the service of my Lord. Completely unaware of the horror that was just beginning to unfold half way across the world, I slept that night with a peace….with a contentment….that I would never experience again; with a heart light in its naiveté of the true level of evil that existed in the world. A heart that would soon be weighed down with a sorrow and comprehension from which it would never again be free. As Americans awoke to the horrors of evil, I enjoyed my last night in the world as we would never know it again..."
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
A Quick Update
So the past 6 months have been so crazy that when I remembered I hadn't updated our blog earlier today I actually forgot what our address was! Crazy times, indeed.
Today is Ryker's 6 month birthday. What a joy the past 6 months have been, but they've gone TOO fast! I wish I could freeze Ryker in time for a little while before letting him grow again. But at that rate, I'd die of old age before he even got his driver's license. I'd be stopping him growing too often! I want to do the same thing with our other boys. Being a parent truly is the greatest source of joy that Alice and I are blessed with. Aside from each other and the Gospel, our boys bring the greatest joy in our lives. Tommy and Jonas love their little brother. Last week I asked Tommy what he wanted to take to bed for his ni-night toy and he said "Ryker!" Tommy is giving Ryker hugs and kisses all day every day. And Jonas loves being a "big brother" after a couple of years of being the little brother. Isn't it amazing how at any given moment of any day you can just look at your kids and be immediately overcome with so much joy and gratitude that you just stop what you're doing and stare? Yeah, I love those moments.
Despite all that has gone on the last 6 months, I won't provide a fully detailed update now (it's too late, I should be in bed). We have had our fair share of challenges these past few months, and have dealt with more stressor events than I think we have at any other period in our 8 years of marriage. At least no amount of stress can prevent the sun from setting each night and rising again in the morning, and no degree of challenge can change the innocence, virtue, and beauty of our children. They're like built-in daily motivation to help us forget about our trials. And General Conference last weekend was awesome...how about Elder Cook bringing the Titanic into Conference? I about leapt off the couch! It's been 9 years since our last Titanic reference in Conference, we were overdue for another. And I'll quit yakking now and throw some pictures in this post before I go to bed. After all, that's really why you check this blog, right? For those updated pictures of those darn cute kids!
Today is Ryker's 6 month birthday. What a joy the past 6 months have been, but they've gone TOO fast! I wish I could freeze Ryker in time for a little while before letting him grow again. But at that rate, I'd die of old age before he even got his driver's license. I'd be stopping him growing too often! I want to do the same thing with our other boys. Being a parent truly is the greatest source of joy that Alice and I are blessed with. Aside from each other and the Gospel, our boys bring the greatest joy in our lives. Tommy and Jonas love their little brother. Last week I asked Tommy what he wanted to take to bed for his ni-night toy and he said "Ryker!" Tommy is giving Ryker hugs and kisses all day every day. And Jonas loves being a "big brother" after a couple of years of being the little brother. Isn't it amazing how at any given moment of any day you can just look at your kids and be immediately overcome with so much joy and gratitude that you just stop what you're doing and stare? Yeah, I love those moments.
Despite all that has gone on the last 6 months, I won't provide a fully detailed update now (it's too late, I should be in bed). We have had our fair share of challenges these past few months, and have dealt with more stressor events than I think we have at any other period in our 8 years of marriage. At least no amount of stress can prevent the sun from setting each night and rising again in the morning, and no degree of challenge can change the innocence, virtue, and beauty of our children. They're like built-in daily motivation to help us forget about our trials. And General Conference last weekend was awesome...how about Elder Cook bringing the Titanic into Conference? I about leapt off the couch! It's been 9 years since our last Titanic reference in Conference, we were overdue for another. And I'll quit yakking now and throw some pictures in this post before I go to bed. After all, that's really why you check this blog, right? For those updated pictures of those darn cute kids!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Ryker McKay Jensen
Time to blow the dust off this blog and get things going again. After all, isn't the birth of our third son reason enough to break out the 'ol keyboard again? Ryker McKay was born on April 11 at 6:38 AM. He weighed 8 lbs. 6 oz.. Today was his scheduled birthday--Alice was scheduled for a C-section this morning, but he came 8 days early!
So far, he has been our easiest baby (knock on wood). He was fussy at the hospital due to gas, but has totally mellowed out since coming home. He eats, sleeps, and just quietly sits around when he's awake. He has already smiled a ton and his brothers just adore him. Tommy and Jonas are always following him and then giving him hugs and kisses whenever he is within their reach.
We thought of the name Ryker McKay several months ago, though we didn't finalize it as his name until 3 days after he was born. Our main other choice was Hyrum, as I've always wanted a Hyrum and it has taken me several years to convince Alice to let me use that name (that's why Tommy and Jonas aren't Hyrum, Alice wasn't yet sold on using such a classic yet strong name). As this is our third boy, it may potentially be our last boy or even last child. With Alice having to have C-sections, the number of kids we can have is limited depending on how well her scar tissue heals from each C-section. Due to that fact, I simply wanted to be sure that we could potentially let Hyrum go as a name. Though we eventually settled on Ryker, we both agreed that if we have another boy it will be Hyrum.
Another reason for the hold-up was that the name Hyrum has a lot of meaning behind it, whereas Ryker simply sounds cool. Both Thomas and Jonas have names that have significance behind them in our families as well as the meaning of the name itself. With Ryker, we actually got led to that name through the middle name, which has more significance. McKay is his middle name, and it is after David O. McKay. I did a good amount of research about President McKay about 2 years ago and was amazed at his remarkable life. During the course of my research, I thought it would be appropriate to use the name McKay for a future son. Alice agreed, and about a year later she came home and said "How about Ryker McKay?" The two seemed to go together really good, and so we have held onto it for a while.
After 8 days, mother and baby are doing good. Alice is recovering nicely and Ryker is a truly wonderful addition to our home. Thank you everyone for your well wishes!
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