(This is a very unfocused entry that could definitely be considered rambling on my part, aka mental jibberish, so feel free to not waste your time and wait for the next update which will hopefully be soon!)
As I look back on 2011, I'm not sure what to make of it. The one, most obvious aspect of my reflections are that I am nowhere close to being where I thought I would be at this stage of my life. Last year at this time, our lives were filled with a lot of uncertainty. I had lost my job, which means we also lost our benefits while we were expecting our third child, our computer crashed with no information on back up (this was painfully stressful, all our pictures, many journals, and all my historical research and work was on the hard drive), and we had medical debts we were struggling to pay. With such a bleak state of things at that time, I guess I really wasn't sure where we would be at this point in time. While many of the issues we have struggled with have simply persisted or grown bigger, we would really be struggling if it wasn't simply for each other. Isn't it great how family can take your mind off things and help you simply enjoy each day and find so much joy? Perhaps in my case, I use that as an excuse to not face the pressing things I should really be focusing on. But then when I tell myself that, I keep thinking that my children's childhood will never come again and I should cherish every moment and help make it the best it can be for them. Alas, one of my GREATEST weaknesses is FOCUS. I simply can't do it. I am as scatterbrained as Dory from "Finding Nemo."
Alas, here we are at 2012. I am going to try again to get into some graduate programs. I didn't try last year at all, mainly due to the fact I was employed in a good job until the end of the year and didn't have time to work on applications. Maybe this year will be the year I finally have some luck with continuing education. Alice is leery about such matters, I think she wants to just stay where we are and not deal with any drastic change. Fortunately, I know she'll support her hubby and remember that no matter where we go, we'll be together and have our beautiful boys to help us have tons of fun. So where may we end up? Phoenix? New York? Canada? London? Sri Lanka? OK, not Sri Lanka, but who knows. The primary issue I face is--do I just commit to a life of working hard at whatever job I happen to have or try to really focus on a vocation I love and work for a more purpose with more intrinsic motivation?
My mind is full, primarily with questions that I have no clue to what the answers are, but questions that should have been answered long ago. Interesting times. One thing I am definitely looking forward to in 2012 is the Titanic's Centennial. I am hoping to be busy during the coming months with my Titanic lectures. I am emailing all the universities and colleges in the state to line up some lectures and am reaching out to some television shows as well, both local and national. While there are several Titanic historians, I hope that my unique background and matchstick model will help with garnering some publicity.
With all the questions I face and struggles we have had, how grateful I am for Alice who has weathered more than she should ever have had to. She has been a rock. I know she may not have felt like it at times, but to be where we are now after what we've gone through certainly indicates that at her core she is solid. How grateful I am to her, and that she knows me so well, and that she is honest with me even when I may not want her to be! Life is grand together, and we love it.
And I could ramble on, but alas must do some other things before going to bed. Here we go 2012.
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